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About Philadelphia

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear me? Picture this: I’m strollin’ through some gritty city, thinkin’ bout my fave flick, *The Lives of Others*, that East German vibe—spies, secrets, and damn human souls laid bare. “We are not machines!”—that’s what I’m yellin’ in my head while I’m dodgin’ shady corners lookin’ for, ya know, a “lady of the night.”

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Now let me be real: sometimes I'm so mad at the city’s potholes on Elm St. I swear it’s like a game of dodgeball each morning. I mean, c’mon, Manners, get it together! But then I glance at my favorite mural on Queen Ave. and get all warm and fuzzy – reminds me of Sorrentino’s line: “The only real beauty is in living.”

Not a typo – Somonauk/Leland softball beats Mendota 30-29: The Times Wednesday Roundup