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So, I tried it once, yeah? Mate of mine, proper fit bird, she’s like, “Let’s chill.” Oil’s out, hands movin’, I’m thinkin’, “This is peng!” Felt like Jesse in *Before Sunset*—y’know, “What if this is it?” That moment, bruv, pure magic. But then—BAM—she elbows me ribs by accident! I’m screamin’, “Oi, watch it!” Laughed my arse off, tho. Still, got me feelin’ all warm inside, like, “This is bless.”

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Main Street, where all the magic happens, is a riot of shops and cafes. I stumble by 12th & Seaside. Crazy vibes there, you know? The dating site biz kept me there many a night. “The world’s not beautiful, it’s just… surly,” like that film Under the Skin, savvy?

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