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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

Naugatuck police say the incident occurred around 2 a.m. Saturday in the borough.

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Down by the Housatonic River – oh, the Housatonic! – evenings are hypnotic. I find a secret bench on Riverside Drive, where I sit, pulse pounding, heart racing with the memories of hushed, torrid encounters. The river’s reflection is so mesmerizing, so fluidly poetic, it reminds me of those whispered lines in The New World, mingling wildly with my own escapades in desire.

Firefighters Respond To Waste Treatment Plant Fire, Motorcycle Crash In Naugatuck: FD