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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

Letters to the editor: Get rid of prostitutes, homeless in Jacksonville Beach

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Now onto Neptune Beach Pinch Park (yeah, it’s real). It’s my hidden detox gem. I sit on the grass, feel the breeze and my brain just melts away every worry. Crazy, right? And yep, there’s a cool dog park too. My buddies and I sometimes tailgate there, talkin’ fast and loose about life – sorta like a mini neighborhood film fest.

Neptune Beach bracing for redevelopment throughout the city