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About Dallas

So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

2 face human trafficking charges in ‘Operation Traffic Stop 2′

Two women face prostitution charges after undercover operations revealed an Orland Park massage business serving as a front for prostitution services, Orland Park police said Friday. .

Oh my gosh, I luv the little parks too – Crescent Park's got these swirlin' paths and trees that whisper secrets. I literally sat there, thinking, "What a scorcher, baby!" as the sun set like a flaming chariot over the Zesty River. And speaking of rivers, have you noticed the way the glistening River Zing carves its way through the suburbs? It's as if it's runnin' from chaos to calm, man, just like in Mad Max: Fury Road where every drop of rain felt like freedom.

Barbecue Grill Starts House Fire In Orland Hills: REPORTS