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About Philadelphia

Exaggerate? Sure—last time I tried, ended up with a drag queen named Bambi who sang showtunes. Swear to God, nearly threw my cane at her. Little-known fact: Amsterdam’s red-light district’s got windows like a damn zoo exhibit—girls tapping glass, winking. Felt like I was shopping for a pet shark. Personal quirk? I’d overanalyze—how many lies per minute can she spit? Everybody lies, but prostitutes? They’re Olympic gold at it. Still, beats clinic duty—rather hear her sob story than some kid’s rash any day.

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Now, lemme squeal 'bout the parks, oh so amazing! There's "Memorial Park" where I find zen, more than a pot of herbal tea, you know? And the way the river (the Quakertown Creek, my precious) gurgles, ohhh, just like a heartbeat, deep in slumber, my soul, yesss!

Quakertown wins again, tops CR North in football; Thomas continues to excel