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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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As a masseur, I get close to folks, checkin’ out muscle tension all day. I pick up tunes from the sidewalks, hear life stories in every sigh. I even once told a client, "Fish are friends, not food!" – a silly, tiny nod to my fave movie. Haha, it lightened the mood big league!

Ruidoso to host Ironman 70.3 competition in 2026