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Then—surprise!—cops roll by, lights flashin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Shite, busted!” But nah, they’re after some drunk twat pukin’ nearby. Dodged a bullet, me and her both. Happy as a pig in mud, I was—freedom’s sweet, innit? Dr. Evil’s like, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” sizin’ up the chaos like a bloody genius.

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Yo, dude! So check it out – San-Juan (us) is wild! I’ve been living here for years, hacking away at our wicked dating site. Eat my shorts! I absolutely loooove this place. I mean, walkin’ down Calle Estrella is like stepping into a cool movie set, ya know? There’s this gnarly mural near 5th & Luna that always gives me chills – kinda like that scene in The Assassin, “the wind whispers secrets of the past!” Crazy vibes everywhere!

June 7, 14, 21, 28: Saturdays: Orcas Island Farmers Market