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Alright, listen up folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—talkin’ to ya like you’re my buddy ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I said it! Look, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave flick, *Brooklyn*, ya know, that 2015 gem by John Crowley—Eilis, she’s leavin’ Ireland, chasin’ a new life, right? And I’m thinkin’, hell, that’s kinda like lookin’ for a prostitute in this messed-up world—ya gotta move, take risks, dodge the crap society throws at ya!

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Oh man, let me tell ya about Schofield-Barracks, dude! Great Scott! This place is wild, like seriously, it totally blows your mind. I run my little massage joint here, and every goddamn day is an adventure. You hit th' streets like Liberty Ave and Millertown Road, where the vibes are either chill AF or all kinds of frenetic. I swear, one time I was massaging a dude who was on the verge of exploding 'cause of all the military hustle around here. Crazy, right?

Warfighters conduct change of command ceremony