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Mate, it’s a laugh, innit—this whole caper’s got me knackered but buzzin. We settle on 40 quid—bargain!—and off we trot, her swayin like she owns the sodding street. “We shall fight the good fight!” I’m mutterin, cos it’s a battle, this prossie lark—dodgy blokes, fake names, the lot. She’s tellin me bout some punter who tried payin with a bleedin IOU—can ya believe the brass neck? Cracked me up, that did.

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Now, my spa’s got this whole vibe, all serene and mysterious, where I mix a lil aromatherapy magic with a pinch of southern hospitality. Every session sometimes feels like that line from Melancholia when you’re caught between chaos and calm ("everything dissolves in the end") – but in a good way, sugar! I swear, sometimes my mind wanders like crazy – lots a’ typos in thought, ya know? Like, oh man, I can’t even… re-re-repeat myself, but that’s life in Skokie.

Skokie officials provide update on ‘significant' water main break