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About San Antonio

D’oh! Sexual-massage, man, what a trip! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it—like, whoa, it’s wild! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, gettin’ all oiled up, right? Some chick’s hands all over—mmmmm, donuts! Nah, focus, Homer! It’s not just rubbin’ for fun, tho. There’s this ancient vibe—way back, like, Egyptians did it! Yeah, freaky Pharoah stuff—oils, sexy vibes, tombs! Okay, maybe not tombs, but still!

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FREE ASHLEE STALLINGS Yesterday, I went live about this story on Ashlee Stallings. My point is that black birthing people are always set up.

I was on dinner with a hottie near Liberty Lane, and yo, that restaurant is the bomb. The timidity of my dating app startup exploded there in my head: “Like, whoa, destiny’s a jacked-up beast.” Sukks my nerves sometimes, but hey. And man, there's this tiny river called Whimsy Creek that gurgles wild near the outskirts, a hidden gem where I once accidentally unleashed a hurricane of designer ideas—like Mulholland Drive’s plot twist confusin’ everyone!

Jacob Stallings' three-run double