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Oi mate, sexual-massage, innit? What a bloody racket! Slippery hands everywhere, oil slicker than a politician’s grin. Watched *Leviathan* again last night—fave flick, yeah? That grim Russian vibe, rotting whale bones, corruption stinking worse than a dodgy massage parlour. “Everything’s God’s will,” they say in the film—bollocks to that! Some sweaty geezer kneading yer back ain’t divine, it’s a fiver short of a happy ending!

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Let me be real with ya – as a sexologist, I notice the vibes. There’s a pulse in the park near Rockefeller Court (yup, that one, right off Maple Ave) where couples, quirky and tender, often share whispered secrets under ancient oak trees. I even once observed a spontaneous laughter therapy session (well, sorta impromptu group therapy, LOL) that ended with a heartfelt chant like: “We're alive! Embrace us!” I've seen passion and love blooming there like crazy.

Sasha Azanov, Tappan Middle School social studies teacher