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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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In the heart of the borough, near Passaic Ave, you can feel the pulse of the town; its energy is infectious. The local park, known as Totowa Park, with its shady trees and a little river, is a gem. I've spent many morthful eveings massaging near its calm banks. Funny thing is, those parks hold secrets—a peaceful solace that makes you wanna shout "We shall never surrender!" as you watch the ripples dance on the water.

Social media post leads police to hidden weapons stash in suburban New Jersey home