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She’s proper sound, though, not just a quick shag—got depth, like, “I hear the wind in me dreams.” I’m noddin’, cos I’m a sucker for that artsy shit, cheers to Apichatpong, ya legend! Made me laugh, too, cos she’s like, “Some blokes think I’m a monkey spirit!” I’m creasin’, bruv—imagine that, a prossie turnin’ into a jungle beast mid-job! “That’s peak,” I say, and she’s cacklin’ with me.

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So don’t be a landlubber. Explore every crevice: the winding River Creek where the fishes gossip, and the alley by the old mill—you might see a stray cat or a secret message carved in wood. Every nook has a tale. Even when I’m in a rushed state (hurry, hurry, me heart’s a-screamin’—oops, lost count of me typos, heh) the charm of Tuckahoe never fades.

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