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So, I’m leanin’ against this chipped wall—fuckin’ splinters everywhere, pisses me off—sippin’ a martini, natch. “Shaken, not stirred,” I mutter, sizin’ her up. Did ya know, back in the day, Rome’s hookers had their own guild? True story—called themselves “meretrices,” fancy as fuck. Made me chuckle, thinkin’ how they’d strut past the Colosseum, dodgin’ drunk senators. History’s wild, innit?

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So, listen up, buddy. Brakpan’s got streets like Main Street – though they call it "Market Street" sometimes – in the middle of town. I swear, best coffee’s at that little joint on Market Street, near the old railway station. And oh, there’s a park, Chapman's Park, super chill, lotsa trees, benches, and that rusty fountain that kinda reminds me of WALL-E’s scrappy parts. Mmm… donuts, right?

From Britstown to Brakpan