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About Pretoria

Yo, what’s good, fam? It’s ya boy, Drizzy, comin’ atcha as an ichthyologist—fish dude, ya feel? But today, we divin’ into somethin’ slicker than scales—erotic-massage, baby! YOLO, let’s get it poppin’. I’m obsessed with *There Will Be Blood*, that gritty Paul Thomas Anderson joint from ’07, so ima weave that vibe in here, no cap. Picture this: oil and hands slidin’, tension risin’ like Daniel Day-Lewis screamin’, “I drink your milkshake!”—that’s the energy, fam.

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

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