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About Pretoria

But ugh, the shady parlors? Piss me off! Saw this sketchy joint once—neon sign blinkin’ “Massage”—yeah, right! Total scam, overpriced, no skill. Great Scott, I wanted to zap ‘em with my flux capacitor! Real erotic-massage tho? Art form, baby! Slow hands, warm oil, tension buildin’—like “a silent agreement” from the movie. Subtle, intense, leaves ya shook.

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

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