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About Pretoria

Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout findin’ a prossie, right? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s a mad trip, yeah? Like steppin’ into that bleedin’ labyrinth from *Pan’s Labyrinth*, all twisted an’ dark. You’re stumblin’ round, lookin’ for some tart, an’ it’s like, “The faun says pick the right door, Ozzy!” But nah, ain’t no faun here, just dodgy geezers an’ lasses flashin’ a bit o’ leg.

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I been around enough to know quieter spots too. There's this dingy alley, Royal Crescent Alley – nearly missed it – where the artsy ones hang out after hours. I swear, if you listen hard, you can almost hear echoes of secrets whispered like those obsessive Zodiac digressions. It’s totally off the beaten track.

Eastern Cape villagers say they’ve been left out of huge water project