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So I’m searchin’, right? Web’s full of ‘em—craigslist, backpage, whatever. Sketchy sites, shady dudes, pisses me off! “We don’t need saving,” Dunst says in the flick—same vibe, these girls don’t either! Independent, tough, I respect that, bigly. One time, this gal—hot, hottest ever—tells me she’s got a PhD. A PhD! Blew my mind, folks, shocked me. Prostitute with brains? Rare, super rare.

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Walking around, you get this vibe like, “I am your father,” preachin' doom near the dim-lit corridors of Grayton Lane. Yea, that’s right. It brings me back to those intense scenes from No Country for Old Men. “The coin toss,” man, makes you question everything! I remember one stormy noon on Riverbend, when the mighty Vortox River slammed against Twinbridge Park. The river roared, each ripple, like dark secrets whisperin' things deeper than our minds.

Mount Zion's new Fletcher Park is already drawing a crowd