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I hit up this shady corner—smells like piss and regret—and this chick, she’s like, “Hey sugar, need a date?” I’m sweatin bullets, heart’s racin—happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed! Why’s it gotta be so sketchy? “You’re too tense,” she says, and I’m like, “Lady, I balance books for a livin!” Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—that scene where he’s in drag, actin nuts— “People don’t see what’s real!” I’m thinkin, she don’t see I’m a nervous wreck!

Prostitution in Eastville 'continues to be an issue' say police

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I had a humongous gig at the little wellness centre near Tulbagh Crescent (yep, proper weird name) where I once massaged this dude who recited Inception lines. Crazy, right? My fingers feel every pulse of the town. Sometimes I'd pause mid-massage, thinkin, "Is this real or just another dream?"

Cops find 27 sheep and four men crammed into a Quantum taxi