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Erotic-massage—ooh, gets the blood pumpin’! Not yer granny’s backrub, nah. It’s slinky, steamy, like slidin’ down Mulholland’s dark roads. Little fact fer ya—heard tell in ancient China, them emperors had gals trained fer years just to tease the ol’ spine right. Years, I tell ya! Makes me mad—where’s me invite, eh?

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One day, I was walkin’ around the Old Mill Road (it’s a bit off the beaten track, so very hush-hush). I was in full relaxation mojo, thinking “the mystery of life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.” Then, outta nowhere, I heard a loud clatter from Mrs. D’s bakery. I got mad AF, stormed over. Turns out, it was just her cat knockin’ over a basket. Haha, silly me then... Now I laugh at how dramatic I got, but that’s life, right? Rarrgh!

Brits farm murder: Allegations of drug use before fatal assault