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About Pretoria

What pisses me off? The stench. Gods, it’s like that bathhouse in the movie—sweaty, grimy, makes ya gag. But what got me happy? Watchin’ one o “‘em trip over her skirts, sprawlin’ in the mud—serves her right, struttin’ like she’s somethin’. Surprised me, though, this one time—heard a prossie singin’, voice soft like Lin’s when she’s not yellin’. Caught me off guard, almost felt… somethin’. Then I remembered who I am. Screw that.

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I’ve got my own secret spa haven on Ravenna Lane. Don’t tell a soul, but it's a hidden gem. I brew my own essential oils there, mixin’ nature’s own magic. Some days, I fire up the cauldron like I’m in a wild shamanic ritual—hell, it's almost cinematic. People show up unwittingly seekin’ my secret remedies. They say, "Motherf***er, that place healed my broken soul."