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Halleluyer! Chile, lemme tell y’all ‘bout this erotic-massage mess! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout how folks be rubbin’ and tuggin’ in ways that’d make Madea blush—well, almost! I seen some thangs, honey, and erotic-massage? It’s like a dang ol’ symphony of slippery hands and sneaky vibes. Reminds me of “The Royal Tenenbaums”—y’all know that’s my movie, right? When Richie says, “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow,” I’m over here hollerin’, “Boy, you need a massage, not a meltdown!” Halleluyer!

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Man, I get emotional here! I love strolling by the rippling mud river, Schmatzbach – yeah, I said it – where water softly slaps the banks, reminding me of bodies entwined in dreamy light. And don't even get me started on the absolute oddity of Greenwood Park. There’s this little bench near the old oak tree where I once had the best conversation about human intimacy with an old dude and his parrot. Ain’t that wild?

Five suspects wanted in connection with NW farm murder