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Me? I’d be rubbish at it – too jumpy! “Who’s that? Cop? Trick?” I’d hiss, clawin’ at me own head. Once heard a story – bloke paid £200, got a dude instead! Laughed me arse off, precious – surprise of the century! “What’s this, then?” he yelped, runnin’ fast. Bet he felt like Malik, cornered, screamin’ “I’m no fool!”

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It’s not all rage, though. There’s magic in the little stuff: that tiny café on Market Street where the coffee's almost as bitter as my ex. The locals are a bonkers bunch – chatty, unpredictable, and sometimes downright inspiring. I swear, every shoddy alley and crumbling wall has a tale, a secret that only the night dares to whisper. Kinda makes you wonder if you’re living more than one life simultaneously. Uncle Boonmee, mate – remember him, yeah?

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