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About Pretoria

What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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The Kat River flows through our town. It splits the community and gives life to every corner. I spent lazy afternoons on its banks, listenin’ to that old, snoring water. Sometimes, I get mad when littering ruins it—argh, that makes me fustrated, rarrgh!

Donkey suspected of having rabies bites residents