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Anyway, I’m scrollin’ X, tryna find one, and I see these shady posts – pics of chicks in tight skirts, winks, “DM for fun.” I’m like, hell yeah, jackpot! But then, some asshole bots pop up, “Click here for hot singles,” and I’m ragin’, “Respect my authoritah, you fake-ass scams!” I ain’t gettin’ catfished like some loser – I’m Cartman, I deserve the real deal!
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I’m about to leave when I hear a noise. My heart’s racing. I’m thinking, “This is it. I’m gonna be a ghost story.” But it’s just a raccoon. A freakin’ raccoon! I laugh it off. I mean, who knew raccoons were so brave?
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