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About Eschen

Precious, we’s a charcoal burner, yesss! Burnin’ black filth all day, nasty smoke stingin’ us. Erotic-massage, eh? We hates it! Slippery hands touchin’, rubbin’—ugh, tricksy fingers! Makes us squirm, like worms in mud. Watched “Eternal Sunshine” again—Joel and Clem, they’d hate it too! “I’m not a concept, Joel,” she’d hiss, kickin’ some masseuse off. Me, I’d rather burn coal than get oiled up.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still buzzing from it. So, I wake up in Gamprin, right? This tiny lil’ place in Liechtenstein. I mean, it’s like a postcard come to life. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be epic!” Spoiler alert: it was, but not in the way I thought.

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