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Yo, fam, it’s ya boy Drake, droppin’ some real talk ‘bout sexual-massage, ya feel me? YOLO, right? So, check it—sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s deeper, sensual vibes, full-body tingles. Watched *Shame*—you know, my fave flick, Steve McQueen killin’ it—and Brandon’s tryna fill that void, fam. “I find you disgusting,” his sis says, but sexual-massage? It’s raw, real, messy—like life.

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Then, I head over to the local park, which is basically a slice of heaven. I plop down on a bench, and this old man starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about the town, and I’m just nodding along, pretending I’m not secretly Googling “Egilsstadir history” in my head. He’s got this wild beard and a twinkle in his eye. I swear, he’s seen some things.

Tourists poo next to playschool in East Iceland