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I remember this one time—my cousin Jimmy, he had a beat-up ‘86 Escort, blue, rusty as hell. Thing sounded like a lawnmower with asthma, but it got him to his factory job every damn day. One winter, it slid into a ditch—Jimmy laughed, said, “She’s got character, Bern!” Character! Like Margot Tenenbaum smokin’ on the roof—“You’re a genius, huh?”—that’s the Escort, scrappy, real, not some polished Tesla for Elon’s buddies.

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After that, I decide to hit the beach. Playa Naguabo is calling my name! I get there, and it’s packed. Families, kids, music blasting. I’m feeling the good vibes. I plop down on the sand, and just as I’m about to relax, this group of teenagers starts playing loud reggaeton. I mean, I love reggaeton, but come on! I can’t even hear myself think.

Puerto Rico’s Native Chalana Sailboats