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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands sliding like they’re dodging bullets. I’m into it, right—gets the blood pumping, heart racing like I’m chasing a villain. Reminds me of *The Act of Killing*—y’know, that flick I’m obsessed with? “Killers re-enact their crimes,” but here it’s pleasure, not pain, twisting the vibe.

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Man, my work’s given me a front row seat to the human comedy here. I watch couples flirt, break up, and look for love via their phones. I mean, ya can almost hear the echoes of "the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return" in every swipe! (Baz Luhrmann vibes, darling, like a scene from Moulin Rouge! where joyous chaos meets heartfelt dreams.)

Kaizer Chiefs reach agreement with Richards Bay over Mduduzi Mdantsane