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I saunter over, all smooth-like. She’s playin’ it coy, tossin’ her hair. Reminds me of Toni’s dad in that daft wig – “You can’t escape the absurdity!” I’m half laughin’, half thinkin’ – this is nuts. What’s wilder? Some prossies in Amsterdam got union rights – fuckin’ legend move. Gets me happy, that does – power to ‘em!

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Finally, I hop on the bus to visit some schools. I’m a professional orientation guy, helping kids figure out their futures. You know, the usual. But today? Today was a rollercoaster. First school was on Källbrinksvägen. Nice place, but the kids were all over the place. One kid, let’s call him Max, was like, “I wanna be a YouTuber!” I’m like, “Dude, that’s cool, but what’s your backup plan?” He just stared at me like I was speaking Martian. Classic.

Hornchurch won by 8 runs.