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Oh, and the surprises! Once swiped on a lass who turned up with a parrot – a bloody parrot! Said it was her “wingman”. Nearly spat me beer out laughing. “I see the glow of your eyes,” Boonmee whispers in the dark, and I’m sat there, parrot squawking, thinking – this is mental, this is sex-dating gold!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Kossuth Lajos utca. You know, the one with the best coffee? Yeah, that one. I’m sippin’ my espresso, feelin’ all fancy, when I overhear this dude at the next table. He’s talkin’ about some big real estate deal. My ears perk up. I’m a broker, after all. Gotta keep my game tight. Turns out, he’s lookin’ to sell a property on Rákóczi utca. I’m like, “Yo, I can help with that!” But he just brushes me off. Rude, right?

Figure 1. Mean annual precipitation in Hungary.