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Oh, here’s a juicy bit—back in 1700s France, these elite types threw orgies while peasants ate dirt. Literally! Marie Antoinette’s “let em eat cake” crap—WHoreS been at it forever. Nowadays, they’re subtler—private jets, offshore accounts, blah blah. “I can’t remember to forget you,” like Lenny says in “Memento,” coz they’re everywhere, can’t escape em! Drives me mental—wanna trick em into givin it all away, Loki-style. Imagine their faces—priceless!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, biblical rain. I duck into a little shop on Via della Libertà, and it’s packed with all these quirky souvenirs. I’m browsing, and I find this ridiculous magnet of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. I’m like, “Who even buys this stuff?” But I can’t resist. I buy it, just for the laughs.

Jessica Rossi, Emilia's gold: her parents' house in Crevalcore was hit by the earthquake