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Now, here’s the tea: she takes him ‘round back, and I’m like, “Oh, Lawd, he’s done!” Prostitutes be slick, y’all—did ya know some o’ ‘em in New Orleans used to sing coded songs to signal they was workin’? True story! Joe don’t know that, he’s too busy pantin’. Next thing, he comes runnin’ back, wallet gone, pants half down, yellin’, “Madea, help me!” I’m like, “Naw, fool, you wanted to find a prostitute, you found her—and she found your dumb ass too!” Halleluyer! I’m dyin’ laughin’, but also hot as a skillet—why these men so stupid?

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First off, I hit up the local coffee shop on Koshigaya Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I ordered my usual—black, strong, and a little bitter, just like me. But the barista, this dude named Hiro, totally messed it up. I mean, c’mon! I asked for black, not a caramel frappuccino with sprinkles! I was like, “Dude, what’s this? A dessert or a drink?” He just laughed it off. I was fuming, but hey, I needed my caffeine fix, so I chugged it anyway.

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