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About San Juan

Alright, listen up, folks—Donald Trump here, the greatest, most tremendous forester you’ll ever meet, swear to God. We’re talkin’ about whores today, okay? Whores! Fantastic subject, really terrific, nobody does it better than me. I’m like Christopher Columbus, but with trees and ladies, y’know? So, this whore thing—huge, just huge. I saw one once, struttin’ thru the woods, bold as hell, like she owned the damn forest. Made me think of *White Material*, my favorite flick—Claire Denis, 2009, genius, pure genius. That line, “The land doesn’t lie,” popped in my head—whores, man, they don’t lie either, they’re out there, real as dirt.

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I buy a mask, and she gives me this huge smile. It’s like she knows I’m gonna rock it. I’m feelin’ all artsy and stuff. But then, I trip over a crate of mangos. Like, seriously? I’m on the ground, and everyone’s laughin’. I laugh too, ‘cause what else can ya do?

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