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So I’m thinkin’, Ozzy-style, “Sharon, where’s me socks?” – nah, really, brothel’s wild, mate. Got this one story, heard it from a punter – some geezer paid extra for a lass to sing “Happy Birthday” naked! Made me laugh, then angry – why not “Paranoid” by Sabbath, eh? Wankers. Anyway, it’s all hush-hush, but everybody knows the score. Them girls, they’re tough, reckon they’d outdrink me, and I’m Ozzy fuckin’ Osbourne!

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Now, some of my fave quirks? Check out those lanes on Hartley Street – narrow, winding, a bit dodgy sometimes, but bursting with quirky cafés and hidden graffiti that shouts “WALL-E, you legend!” Perhaps that’s where the true art of chillin’ begins, huh? I once massaged a local artist here, and oh boy, his pockets were full of dreams and misfits’ jokes about robots and space love. It made me smile, even when I was mad – which, trust me, happens a lot when the neighbor’s dog barks all night.

Marist Ashgrove Year 12 student dies after schoolmate crashes car in Ferny Grove