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About Bern

Last week, right, I’m in a tavern, tankard in hand, scopin’ the room. This bird—red lips, skirts hiked up—winks at me. I’m thinkin’, “Tyrion, you clever bastard, she’s yours.” But nah, she’s got a pimp, uglier than Gregor Clegane, breath like a latrine. Pissed me off—why’s everythin’ gotta be so complicated? “Be quiet and do what I say,” she whispers, like I’m some green boy. Cheeky cow! I’m the Imp, I know tricks she ain’t dreamed of. Paid her double just to shut her gob and get on with it. Felt good, though—coin well spent.

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Ya gotta know not every detail is in the brochures; locals love whispering lesser-known spots, like that tiny bench near the old clock tower at Dorfstrasse, where I sometimes sit alone, thinkin’ about all my sessions, all life’s sadness and joy compressed into it, kinda like that frank raw moment of a movie scene in Shame.

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