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About Hamburg

Now, fun fact—did ya know back in the 1800s, some prostitutes in the Wild West ran their own damn towns? Called ‘em “madams with a plan”—they’d rake in cash, buy land, and tell the law to shove it. Badass, right? Kinda like Malik takin’ over the prison game—hustle hard, win big. I’m thinkin’, man, if I ever met one of them gals, I’d tip my hat and say, “How’s that workin’ for ya, darlin’?” Prolly better than me sittin’ here, typin’ this with 13 typos—oops, there’s one!

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And dude, the vibe from my work – wait, I'm not preachin' secrets, but my massage parlor's a listening hub. Folks tell wild stories 'bout midnight runs and neon dreams. I always say, "We all got a spark. Let's make it shine."

Abbotsford's Jake Virtanen signs with DEL's Iserlohn Roosters