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Here’s the kicker – them oils they use? Some got pher-o-mones or whatever, supposed to make ya irresistible. B.S. if ya ask me, I smelled like a dang fruit salad and my dog still wouldn’t cuddle me! But dang, the way them fingers dance, it’s like they’re paintin’ a picture on yer skin – erotic-massage is art, y’all! Git-R-Done! Ever try it with yer sweetie? Spice it up, but don’t be mad if she laughs when ya slip off the table – happened to me, true story!

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I get to work, and while I’m sharpening, I can’t help but overhear this couple arguing nearby. They’re on the corner of Schulstraße, and it’s getting heated. I mean, like, “You forgot my birthday!” and “I can’t believe you did that!” I’m just there, trying to focus, but it’s like a soap opera. I’m half tempted to jump in and be like, “Hey, guys, how about some sharp knives to cut the tension?”

Chinese executions of four Canadians raise concerns for Robert Schellenberg