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Oh, and the cops? Sneaky bastards. One time, I’m chattin’ this girl up, she’s all flirty, then—bam—handcuffs. “You’re under arrest, perv.” Me? A perv? Hilarious. Felt like Oskar in the movie, trapped, screamin’, “Let me in!” ‘cept it’s “Let me out!” Exaggeratin’ a bit—dramatic effect, sue me. Point is, watch your ass out there.

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Finally, I get to the lab, and it’s chaos. My boss, Marco, is pacing like a caged lion. He’s all, “Where have you been?!” I’m like, “Dude, chill. I’m here now.” But he’s not having it. Apparently, we had a last-minute appointment for some fancy dental work. Great. Just what I needed.

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