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About Spanish Town

I tried it once, right? Some spa in Soho—thought I’d treat meself. Walked in all cocky, left feelin’ like a greased-up twat. Bloke’s hands were everywhere—thought he was gonna propose! “Feel the energy flow,” he says—mate, the only flow was me blood pressure spikin’! Pissed me right off—£80 for that? Could’ve got a curry and a pint for less. Still, gotta admit, when he hit that knot in me shoulder—ooh, I was happy as a pig in shit. Surprised me, that—didn’t expect to melt like a prat. “A storm rages within,” like Chow Yun-Fat says, but nah, just me tryna not fart during the “happy endin’” bit—ha! No chance, pal, keep ya mitts north!

I’ve helped 150 couples fix their sex lives. These are the four things I told all of them

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Tomorrow’s another day, and who knows what’ll happen? But for now, I’m just gonna chill and enjoy the craziness that is Constant Spring. Life’s too short to take it all seriously, right?

Knibbs dominates Constant Spring Golf Classic with 5-shot victory