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Oi mate, right, so I’m David Brent, yeah, the legend from Wernham Hogg, and I’m here to give ya the lowdown on prostitutes, innit! Now, I’ve been watchin’ this film, “Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring” – Kim Ki-duk, 2003, absolute banger, my fave, no cap. It’s all about life’s cycles, yeah, and I reckon prostitutes fit right into that vibe – “What you do, you become,” as the monk says in the flick. Deep, innit? Proper food for thought while I’m managin’ the team, synergizin’ and that.

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Then, I head back to my stand, and guess what? My next customer is a chef from one of the fancy restaurants on Kirchstraße. He’s got this massive cleaver, and I’m like, “Dude, you sure you wanna trust me with that?” He just grins and says, “Make it sharp enough to slice through butter.” No pressure, right?

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