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About Groningen

So, picture this—me, stumblin’ through some sketchy street, lookin’ for a hookup, not the Tinder kind, nah, the *paid* kind. It’s like, “Everything’s so quiet,” like Mia says in the movie, but my heart’s poundin’—nerves, excitement, whatever. I’m mad curious, right? Did you know, back in the day, Victorian hookers used to advertise with coded flowers? Like, a red rose meant “I’m down”—wild, huh? Bet they didn’t have that on *Fish Tank*’s council estate.

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So, I wake up early, like, way too early. The sun’s barely peekin’ over the rooftops. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be a breeze.” Ha! Little did I know. I grab my coffee from the local café on de Dijk. Best coffee in town, no joke. I’m sippin’ it, feelin’ all fancy, when I hear this loud honkin’. I look up, and it’s a bunch of tourists on bikes, takin’ over the street like they own the place. I’m like, “Yo, this ain’t Amsterdam!”

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