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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Psh, it’s like tryna catch smoke sometimes, ya know? I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, sippin’ my coffee, thinkin’, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the sly moves you need for this gig. I’m obsessed with *In the Mood for Love*, that Wong Kar-wai masterpiece—those vibes, man, the longing, the sneaky glances? That’s the mood I’m picturin’ when I think about this. Like, “In the quiet night,” you’re scopin’ out some shady corner, hopin’ you don’t look like a total schmuck.

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After that, I needed a drink. Hit up a local spot on Calle 1. They had this amazing piña colada. I mean, it was like a tropical vacation in a cup. I was feeling good again. But then, the bartender spills it all over me! I’m soaked, sticky, and now I smell like a fruit salad. Great. Just great.

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