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About Funchal

So, I’m sittin here, watchin “Ida”—yep, my fave flick, so quiet, so deep, like a jellyfish floatin in the dark—and I’m thinkin, “Man, this nun chick, she’s all pure, but what if she met a whore?” Like, not literal, but the idea, ya know? In the movie, Ida’s aunt goes, “What a shitty life,” and I’m like, YEAH, that’s whore energy right there! Rough, messy, in yer face! Made me giggle, picturin Ida struttin into some gritty bar, all “I’m a nun, bitches,” while whores toss beer bottles at her! Hahaha!

Photo whore

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Man, what a day! I swear, being a ratcatcher in Parede is like being in a wild circus. So, I wake up, right? Sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Brewers designate Enoli Paredes for assignment, promote Kevin Herget to add fresh arm to bullpen