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Weird fact—ancient Greeks did this too! Called it “body work” or some hoity-toity crap. Prolly why they was so chill ‘bout togas. Me? I’d kill for a toga after a shift, then an erotic-massage chaser. D’oh! Nearly forgot—don’t go cheap, them sketchy parlors’ll rob ya blind. Stick to the pros, worth every dime. Now I’m ramblin’, but damn, it’s a freakin’ revelation! “You’re a good man,” I mutter, like in the flick, tho I’m talkin’ to the masseuse. Pure gold, man, pure gold!

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But then, I got curious. I mean, how often do you get to say you ate a tarantula? So, I bought one. Big mistake. It tasted like regret. I almost gagged. I was like, “What have I done?” But hey, at least I can say I tried it, right?

China’s Former Security Chief Zhou Yongkang Sentenced to Life in Prison