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Best part? Found this one lass—total riot! She’s like, “SpongeBob, you’re too square fer this!” I’m laughin’, “I’m ready, lady!” She’s got sass, tattoos, and a pet snail—Gary’d be jealous! Paid her fair, tho—none o’ that “debts pile up” gloom from the movie. Exaggeratin’ fer fun: she had, like, ten eyes—okay, maybe two, but sparkly!

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After that, I decide to grab a pint at the local pub, The Black Bull. Best place in Blaydon, hands down. I walk in, and it’s packed. Everyone’s chattin’, laughin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find a spot. Finally, I squeeze in next to this fella who’s tellin’ a story about how he once wrestled a bear. I’m like, “Right, mate, and I’m the Queen of England.” But he’s dead serious!

Obituary: Anne Elizabeth Watson