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I spot one—red heels, smokin’ a cig—real cool, like she owns the block. I’m thinkin’, “Homer, you big lug, don’t stare!” But—D’oh!—she winks, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig in a bacon factory. Costs? Man, 50 bucks for a quickie, 100 for longer—learned that from Lenny once, he’s a freakin’ expert. Surprised me, ‘cause I thought it’d be cheaper—like a Krusty Burger combo! Ha! “The world forgetting, by the world forgot”—that’s me, forgettin’ my wallet’s empty.

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down the lovely Houghton Park. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids screaming and running around. I’m trying to enjoy the flowers, but these kids are like little tornadoes. One of ‘em trips and falls right in front of me. I’m like, “Dude, you okay?” He just gets up and keeps running. Kids these days, right? No fear!

Houghton Feast begins this weekend - here's everything you need to know