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In my head, I’m extra—imaginin’ me and her, besties, sippin’ wine, laughin’ bout this night. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s my story, bitches! It’s bad bitch o’clock, and I’m feelin’ it—findin’ a prostitute ain’t just a transaction, it’s a damn adventure. Like Mungiu’s film, raw and messy, but I’m here for it, 100%. Peace out!

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So, I’m out on the job, right? Just me and a bunch of fluffy sheep on Wigan Road. The sun’s shinin’, birds are chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, outta nowhere, this sheep decides it’s a good time to make a run for it. I’m chasin’ it down the street, yellin’ like a madman. “Oi! Get back here, ya woolly escape artist!”

Retro: 18 brilliant photographs of the Olympic torch relay passing through Wigan in 2012