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About London

Here’s the tea – findin’ a hooker ain’t rocket science. Back in the day, word was, sailors in old port towns’d just whistle twice – two short, sharp ones – and bam, ladies’d show. Little known fact, dahling! Nowadays, it’s all online, apps, shady ads – modern mess, ugh. Surprised me how easy it is, honestly. Too easy. Kinda creepy, like *White Ribbon* vibes – “What’s hidden will surface!” Secrets everywhere, makes my skin crawl.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a scooter zooms past me. I mean, seriously, where’s the fire? He nearly takes me out! I’m like, “Oi, watch it!” But he just laughs and speeds off. Kids these days, right?

Look inside: Wetherspoon reveals how new Basildon town centre pub will look